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Cleaning

While cleaning in the kitchen today, I came to the realization that cleaning gives me a sense of control. This realization caused me to figure out why I love Real Simple so much. They offer solutions for how to gain control of everything.

I would weigh less, be prettier while living in an organized, creative and beautiful house if I followed Real Simple's simple suggestions on how to make dinner in 30 minutes, exercise in 15 minutes and have my makeup on in 5 minutes. Geez, I could accomplish those three things in under a hour. 

But I don't have my life that put together. I don't know anyone who has that. It is a lie, but a beautiful one that part of me gets excited about typing the fact that those three things could be done under 1 hour. 

I have always been perplexed by control. Sunday school taught me to feel guilty over wanting control, that we are to deny ourselves and take up the cross. That we are to wait on God's timing and His plan, we are to submit to His will. I use to pray fervently for God's will in my life. I was afraid (like obsessively worry) that God was going to be so angry with me if I didn't figure out the thing He wanted me to do.  


I have come to the belief that God doesn't dictate how my Saturday afternoon is to unwind or has billboards giving advice on the large steps in life either. What is God's will? Does it matter that I greatly desire to dominate my domestic life? To be on top of my career? Is that sinful? 

This is probably where some of my underlying guilt/worry about being productive stems from. What if I am not following God's will because I am not being productive all the time? Perhaps it is the Midwest, farm kid sensibility that makes me feel guilty about sitting around. If the Carlson clan is one thing, it is that we are hard-working people. My parents' idea of relaxing is yard work or chopping wood. How does that carry over to living in Chicago? 

I can't wait for the day when I have a yard to do things in. I fantasize about having a garage or basement where I can build and fix things for my house. All in due time : )

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