Things are going to get personal, y'all.
When my family comes up in conversation, I have a way of introducing them to strangers. I have a saying, "They put the fun in dysfunctional."
It isn't always fun to be a part of my family. We aren't very good communicators, we avoid conflict like the plague, many of the women are controlling and manipulative and we hold grudges.
I saw a therapist in college, because it was free and I recognized that I didn't want to bring my dysfunction into other relationships. I am most grateful to the therapist for two things: 1) She didn't allow me to blame people and 2) She taught me how to deal with my emotions.
When I find myself ______________(insert emotion), I ask myself two questions:
What am I feeling?
What do I want?
It doesn't sound life-changing, but it was to me. I had never learned how to process my emotions, they were always buried, repressed and "Carlsons don't talk about that stuff."
The thing is, my family hasn't changed. They probably never will. They will probably always do hurtful things to me. They are beautiful and I love them, but they are broken. The question becomes how do I function in an emotionally healthy manner amidst their dysfunction? How do I take care of me and mine when it comes to them?
I am tired of it all. I am tired of being hurt, tired of carrying the hurt, tired of the one-sided fight for healthy relationships. I want to take up the process of meditation, to create space in my life for God. In church this morning, the word compassion was repeating through my mind. The homily was about letting go, to not be burdened by things, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I think that in creating the space for God in meditation, I could work on letting things go. I could work on cultivating compassion.
What am I feeling?
What do I want?
When my family comes up in conversation, I have a way of introducing them to strangers. I have a saying, "They put the fun in dysfunctional."
It isn't always fun to be a part of my family. We aren't very good communicators, we avoid conflict like the plague, many of the women are controlling and manipulative and we hold grudges.
I saw a therapist in college, because it was free and I recognized that I didn't want to bring my dysfunction into other relationships. I am most grateful to the therapist for two things: 1) She didn't allow me to blame people and 2) She taught me how to deal with my emotions.
When I find myself ______________(insert emotion), I ask myself two questions:
What am I feeling?
What do I want?
It doesn't sound life-changing, but it was to me. I had never learned how to process my emotions, they were always buried, repressed and "Carlsons don't talk about that stuff."
The thing is, my family hasn't changed. They probably never will. They will probably always do hurtful things to me. They are beautiful and I love them, but they are broken. The question becomes how do I function in an emotionally healthy manner amidst their dysfunction? How do I take care of me and mine when it comes to them?
I am tired of it all. I am tired of being hurt, tired of carrying the hurt, tired of the one-sided fight for healthy relationships. I want to take up the process of meditation, to create space in my life for God. In church this morning, the word compassion was repeating through my mind. The homily was about letting go, to not be burdened by things, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I think that in creating the space for God in meditation, I could work on letting things go. I could work on cultivating compassion.
What am I feeling?
What do I want?
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